Garfield and Warhammer 40k
by Dreamsofiron
Summary: Dark Eldar pirate prince Garfield satisfies his lust for carnage
1. Chapter 1

Dark prince Garfield felt an blood boiling orgasmic sensation as he deflowered the lusty slave wrench. He was a pirate prince of the Dark Eldar, the member of the Commorragh elite. His muscles tensed and he let out a horrifying shriek before decapitating the wrench and sending her sensuous soul to the screaming abyss.

"Praise the velvet throne of Aeldari, the green lion burns the nameless sun!" he roared like the bull of heaven. After quenching his thirst for flesh he cleaved the skulls of two of his bodyguards laughing at their pathetic attempts to defend themselves.

The time for raid approaches, he thought to himself in his dark delight. And so the dark prince Garfield gathered his pale legions while black crystals burned in their gaze. "Praise the flesh, feed on the weak." Garfield murmured to himself full of sardonic mirth. Like comets of blood and rage they flew through space powered by the voluptuous screams of unnumbered slaves. They burned entire planets painting the universe in blood.

But his lust for violence was still not gone, and screaming like the void serpent in solipsistic trance he ordered an attack on the well defended world of Iron Steel. "This shall be our prize." he growled sarcastically while laughing maniacally.

The planetfall was brutal and their ships descended like screeching arrows of the abominable war god. Many Mon-Keigh warriors perished in vain truing to save their wives and children. But the planet was already lost to the dark children of Commorragh. "Scream my name worm!" agonized Garfield softly as he impaled a Mon-Keigh soldier on his spear of unlight.

The silence was on the land as the slaughter was over and only the wailing of the women and the blood chilling screams of the crows could be heard. "A dark victory for the dark lord." Garfield evaporated whimsically in his solemn solitude.

And so they returned to the cursed city loaded with slaves and stolen riches, an unearthly fire burning in Garfield's eyes...

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you feel my eldritch radiant glory!" screamed Garfield to his subjects while consumed in bloodthirsty rage. "Foolish mortal bask in my magnificence." said the dark sensuous voice. "Who is that! Show yourself!" gasped Garfield. "I am Smurfette, the daemon princess of Slaanesh. Bow to me pitiful mortal!" shrieked the monstrous beast.

"P-please don't kill me, take my slaves instead." pleaded the brave Garfield while ruining his sexy leather gothic uniform. "Silence fool I have a mission for you, you must find and kill the arch heretic Steven Seagal." extrapolated the creature softly. "I will do as you wish." ejaculated Garfield in cold lonesome void.

And so Garfield alone embarked on a journey of peril and danger, his will absolute and his courage unshaken.

Steven Seagal, the despoiler of scarlet moons awaits him. What happens next? Stay and find out!

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

Like a black star he neared the Seagal's palace, his muscles tense, his blade erect in his hand. But nothing could prepare him for what he saw when he entered the cursed place, Seagals beauty was godlike, shining like a gem in the darkest night, his soft porcelain skin wrapped in silk robes of ultimate grandeur.

"Who are you to come so boldly into my palace." gasped Seagal chrypsofantastically.

"I am Garfield , dark prince of the Eldar and I am smitten by your beauty will you be my battle brother o fair lord." mutilated Garfield silently.

"Yes take me be my conqueror. I hunger for flesh." embraced Steven Seagal whimpsically.

"Noooo he is mine only mine." roared Smurfette who teleported behind them.

But Garfield was prepared and pierced her naked exposed flesh with his long, hard, manly blade.

"Oh creul fate is this the end." whispered Smurfette in her last dying breath.

Silence was all.

And so they were happy together, two lost souls in the veil of the night.

...

But then exterminatus happened and they were both send to warp.

Author's note: This story is based on the Steven Seagal best selling book Way of the Shadow Wolves. Big thanks to Seagal for helping me overcome cancer. Ilove you Seagal you are my idol.

THE END


End file.
